The Stories That We Tell Ourselves

“Our lives are determined less by our childhood than by the traumatic way we have learned to remember our childhoods.” – James Hillman

The Importance of Stories

Stories play a crucial role in shaping our psychological landscape, serving as a means to understand ourselves, others, and the world around us. 

As human beings, we are naturally storytellers.  We love to tell stories.  They provide a framework for making sense of complex experiences, emotions, and events, allowing us to organize and interpret our lives coherently. 

This is true collectively and personally. 

We tell stories around the campfire or huddled around the fireplace.  These stories have become our urban legends, fairy tales,  and myths.  They transfix us and transport us.  

Personal Stories

What of the stories that we tell ourselves? 

There is the facts of what happens in our lives.  

Then there is what we make it mean.  

We can choose what we make it mean about us. 

The narratives we create about our own lives determine our identity and self-concept. They influence our beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors, impacting our mental health. Positive, empowering stories can enhance self-esteem and promote a sense of agency, while negative, limiting narratives can lead to feelings of helplessness and self-doubt.

In therapeutic contexts, storytelling is a powerful tool for healing and growth. Techniques like narrative therapy help individuals reframe their stories, gaining new perspectives and insights. Ultimately, stories are integral to our psychological well-being, helping us navigate life’s challenges and find meaning in our experiences.

So often, we tell ourselves stories that involve judgment, criticism, and self-recrimination:  “ I can’t do anything. I can never amount to anything.” These negative narratives often lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and depression, trapping individuals in a cycle of negativity and helplessness. Our expectations, driven by our narratives, can become self-fulfilling prophecies.

If you believe you will succeed, your actions and mindset will align with that belief, increasing the likelihood of success. Similarly, if you believe you will fail, you might unconsciously sabotage your efforts.

Change the Story… Change your Life

I have said in the process of changing one’s story we first have to become aware of the story that we tell ourselves. So often these stories that drive our beliefs and actions are operating in the background of our psyche that we often don’t even know that they exist.  

We have to become more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and how these are influenced by their personal stories.

This is because the stories we tell ourselves profoundly shape our psychological well-being, influencing our self-perception, behavior, and overall mental health. These internal narratives can either empower or undermine us. Positive self-stories can bolster self-esteem, resilience, and optimism, promoting a healthy, proactive mindset. Conversely, 

What can we do to change the story?

We have so many tools at our disposal to shine a light on the unconscious belief systems that drive our stories 

Dreams:   

• Dreams reveal hidden thoughts, fears, and desires that we might not be consciously aware of. They help to integrate fragments of recent experiences with older memories, creating a narrative that can offer new perspectives.
•  Keeping a dream journal can enhance self-awareness by highlighting patterns and recurring themes in dreams. This practice can lead to greater insight into one’s inner world and contribute to changing negative or limiting narratives.

Mindfulness and Meditation: 

• These practices enhance self-awareness, helping individuals recognize negative stories as they arise. By observing thoughts without judgment, it becomes easier to detach from unhelpful narratives and cultivate a more positive mindset.

Journaling: 

•  Writing about thoughts and experiences can provide clarity and insight. Techniques like expressive writing and gratitude journaling help reframe experiences in a positive light, fostering a more constructive internal dialogue.

These tools can actively reshape their internal narratives, fostering greater mental health and well-being.

Christina Becker
June 2024

Have you found value here? Have you been inspired or moved?  Please consider sharing the post on your social media networks by using the buttons below.

I love to hear your comments and ideas. Use the comments below or send me an email.